Tough Mudder
Saturday 17th July 2021
When we booked the Tough Mudder it seemed so far away, 11 weeks was plenty of time to prepare…but all of a sudden the day was here and we were up early preparing to go. The weather had been so rubbish for weeks but it decided to take a turn for the better and what better way to do a tough mudder but on one of the hottest days of the year!!!
Sun cream applied, super thin shorts and t-shirts found, plenty of water and towels packed and off we headed. After meeting Tom, checking in, dropping the bags (turning off our phones to stop the NHS app from picking up other phones in bag drop area!) and we were ready to go.
Cheesy warm up done and the 5K began, quite a long, hot stretch of just running before we got to the first obstacle Hero Walls…two ridiculously high (9 foot) walls to get over. Steve and Tom made the first one look effortless while Vikki stood on one of them at the bottom while the other hauled her over from the top (there is definitely a bit of theme starting there…)
Obstacle number two, Devil’s Beard, was much easier, just had to crawl through mud under some cargo nets that were staked to the ground…except there was no mud due to the heat (again a theme is starting here…)
Next up was Hero Carry…basically piggy back time and halfway through you switch round…clearly that just meant Steve carried Vikki for the whole thing as that switch was never going to happen.
Fourth obstacle was Skidmarked, which was basically impossible! A 10’ slanted wall, with no footholds, angled so its middle sits just out of reach of your legs. It’s safe to say neither of us would have made it over without Tom’s help – this obstacle also showed Steve’s levels of flexibility!!
By this point we still hadn’t encountered any water or any mud, which was a little disappointing but with the next obstacle being called Kiss Of Mud we figured now was the time to get dirty…oh how wrong we were. Due to the heat again there was no mud, so instead of commando crawling through gloopy, thick, wet mud less than 18″ below barbed wire, we commando crawled through very rough dry grass!
Next up was a water and snack stop for rehydration and energy. The snacks on offer were half a banana and the most disgusting ‘birthday cake’ flavour energy bar. By this point we were still bone dry but very hot as the sun was beating down so half the water was drunk and the other half poured all over us!
After a brief pit stop we headed off again delighted to FINALLY spot some water. Block Ness Monster was great fun, rolling 9-metre long cuboids semi-submerged in muddy water which you had to get over. The water was apparently chest deep but clearly that statement was made by a man and short arses like Vikki had to tread water!
Lots of team work with others required for this one and not much control as to where you end up once you flip over it, as Vikki discovered when she landed on top of a complete stranger!!
Feeling very cool and refreshed we carried on to Quagmire, where we found mud for the first time.
Climbing up a mud mound, down into very muddy water and then back up another big, wet, muddy mound. Vikki then very gracefully slid down the other side…or in reality so ungracefully she even managed to rip her shorts!!!!
Finally looking very muddy and like we had actually taken part in the Tough Mudder we arrived at Hydrophobia only to wash it all off again by submerging in cold water and slithering underneath some submerged pipes. Not too difficult, except the floor was smooth meaning there was little to grab onto to gain momentum.
After Hydrophobia we had to run past Arctic Enema, which was on the 10mile track and not on the 5K track, Vikki commented as we went past that she had really wanted to do that one and a marshall overheard and said we could just do it anyway so we ducked under the ropes and headed up. Well…OMG…now we know the true meaning of ‘take your breath away’, it is in fact possible for something to be so cold it hurts. Sliding down, landing submerged in ice cold water to then have to go under a second time to get past a barrier and then out. Vikki again discovering being short wasn’t ideal in this obstacle. Pretty much being unable to speak we got out and kept moving before seizing up!
Thankfully there was a bit of run to thaw out before we had to conquer Everest, which pretty much comprised of running up what can only be described as a BMX bike stunt slope! Steve and Tom did the highest one, made it look pretty easy with a little help from some guys at the top, Vikki went for the smallest one, made it look anything but easy and needed a lot of help from both of them to haul her over the edge!!
Then there was Gauntlet, three different types of monkey bars requiring a lot of upper body strength. Given her bad shoulders Vikki had to skip it but Steve and Tom completed it.
Tipping Point was next, with more lovely cool water. Think big plastic pipe see-saw, climb up the pipe, it tips and you slide down into the water…only in Vikki’s case she stuck on the rope in the pipe and pretty much had to crawl out!
On to King of the Mountain which was basically climbing up a pyramid of hay bales and back down again which was a piece of cake for Steve and Tom but once again height disadvantaged Vikki found the height of each bale to be just that little bit too high!
With the finish line in sight the penultimate obstacle was Mudderhorn, taller than a three story building climbing cargo nets up, over the top and back down. After a lift up to be able to reach the start Vikki was off and Steve and Tom once again made it look easy!
Up last was Electroshock Therapy, which involved running through mud trying to avoid getting electric shocks.
Steve decided he wanted to end the Tough Mudder muddy so he dived into the mud getting covered before making a dash through and throwing himself down a second time. Vikki followed suit but in a less boisterous way and just lay down in the mud before running through – which in hindsight was the right decision as under the mud on Steve there were a lot of cuts, scrapes and blood from what turned out to be very gritty mud.
5K and 15 obstacles complete, we collected our finishers headband, t-shirt, water, alcoholic sparkling water(!) and another disgusting energy bar. Layering towels on the car seats we headed home for a well earned shower.
